Five Times Alex Didn't Speak His Mind
by Eliza4892
Summary: Five short glimpses into Alex's character. Backstory based off of 2.02 Enough Is Enough. Spoilers up to 3.06 Let The Angels Commit.


**I**

When Alex was nine, back before he bulked up in high school and literally kicked his father's ass right out of the house, he would watch through his bedroom door, barely cracked open, with narrowed eyes. His mom was quiet most of the time – he only ever heard her scream twice, and the only sounds were of skin hitting skin and his father's voice punctuating every blow. Every time this happened, and it happened quite frequently, Alex swore he learned a new curse word.

It was the first time he had found himself alone during one of their fights. Usually Dani would creep into his room and lock the door behind her, spending her time keeping his attention focused on her any way she could for the duration of the fight. Tonight he'd watched his big sister climb out the window and into some guy's car before their dad had even gotten home. He was on his own and without her distractions he found himself fixated on the way his father's fist connected with his mother's jaw. She reeled, knocked down to the floor and he could hear her whispered plea for him to stop. He had never actually seen his father beat her, before it had only been images conjured up in his head, coupled by angry words and bruises. Reality was perhaps uglier than his idea.

Had Dani actually been home that night she would've taken him by the shoulders and pulled him away from that door, promising it would be over soon. But she wasn't and tonight Alex got to experience what was only the beginning of the impulsive, rash decisions he would make well into adulthood.

"Leave her alone!" He shouted, pushing through his bedroom door, and walking into the living room, watching his father stop and look to him with a menacing, yet unsteady gaze.

His father came towards him, leaving his mother quiet on the floor, and came to a stop barely six inches away from him. "What did you say?"

Alex wanted to say it again. He wanted to tell his father to stop. To leave and not ever come back. But his eyes found his mother's from across the room. They were scared, warning him against making himself a part of this. Her gaze made him fearful and when he attempted to look back up at his father he found he couldn't muster the nerve to.

"Nothing." He shook his head, eyes on the floor. He hated himself for backing down. He hated himself more than he hated his father. "I didn't say anything."

**II**

After Denny's death he had plenty of opportunities to voice his opinions to put Izzie down for her mistake. To pick on her stupidity in the matter. He never did. Not even once. Surprising everyone he actually defended her on more than one occasion. Cristina bluntly said it was just because he wanted to get in Izzie's pants. To them he always had ulterior motives, he couldn't do it just because he cared about her.

"She appreciates it you know." Meredith told him one day. She was the only one who didn't pick apart his actions to find the negatives. "That you don't say anything. That you're trying to be the better man."

He nearly laughed out loud, remembering Izzie's words the day she left him for that damn heart patient.

_On your very best day that corpse is twice the man you will ever be. _

He didn't laugh though. He just kept his mouth shut and tried to believe the woman in front of him.

**III**

He must have been the first to notice it. Sure, everyone complained that Cristina was bossing around residents and writing surgeries up on the board which was really not her place but that was as far as it went. Even he had overlooked it several times because they were always so discreet. As he watched her take over for Burke a few times, pulling off complicated maneuvers and practically running the show, Alex began to realize there was more to it.

Her eyes were always on his hands, watching their every movement like a hawk. Learning from him most would assume and move on. But Alex noticed his hand start to tremble as he went to sew the man on the table up. It was then Cristina stepped in, asked if she could it, for the experience. Burke put on a good show of hesitating but handed it over, stepping back. That was the first time Alex realized maybe Burke hadn't recovered as well as everyone claimed.

The chief didn't know. It didn't matter how much Webber liked Burke, he still wouldn't let him stay on if he knew about the tremors. It was too risky if his hand failed him and there was no one there to pick up where he left off. Really he'd be doing his job if he reported him, possibly saving lives.

Passing by the room they ate lunch in, the one that housed the perpetually unconscious old man, one day, he found Cristina curled up in a chair. The books she normally had her nose in were absent. Instead she had her eyes closed and the palm of her hands pressed into them. In that moment he could see how stressed she was, the toll all this was taking on her. He wondered what would happen to her if Webber found out about their little lie.

In the future, Alex was confident someone else would see it too and spill the beans. Burke's career would be put on hold, if not ended altogether; Cristina would be penalized at the very least. But it wouldn't be him who told. Not this time. Besides, he told himself, when the thought that he was turning soft invaded his thoughts, what she was doing to herself was probably worse than whatever the chief had in mind.

**IV**

It's times like these, when he's just gotten paged to the on-call room and he knows he's about to miss out on yet another one of Sloan's surgeries, that he questions why he's playing her games. He's become just as bad as Meredith and Cristina. Banging his boss.

When Addison Montgomery walks into the room she doesn't want banter or any words at all really. She uses him as a method of getting back at Shepherd for all his transgressions. Because apparently screwing McDreamy's best friend doesn't do the job completely, now she's got to have an affair with her own intern. He doesn't understand why she bothers, or why she's really here. Why she hasn't let go. Even he wouldn't beat it to death as much as she's gone and done.

He doesn't say anything to her about it because it's also a method of getting back at Sloan for being a complete ass to him and sending him on coffee runs, or making him spend hours on the phone with the damn DMV. He knows Sloan is in love with her. Alex also knows he's got to have some idea that this is going on, and that makes it all worthwhile.

That seems to be how people in this hospital get revenge now: quick, dirty fucks in on-call rooms and dark closets.

**V**

"Why are you walking around like Torres killed your puppy?" Alex really opened himself up for this conversation, he had to admit. You didn't ask George questions like that without expecting him to see an invite to get all his issues off his chest.

George looked around, then came closer to him, straddling the chair across from him. "If I tell you, do you promise not say anything to anyone else?"

"What, you're keeping secrets from the rest of the gossip girls now?" Alex asked, clicking out of the webpage that was halfway loaded full of info about Addison Montgomery's latest case. George didn't need to see him doing research on a case that wasn't his.

With a glare, George went to stand and walk off, irritated by the patronizing comment. Alex was beginning to wonder if the man had finally grown a pair and decided to stop taking all the crap that was thrown at him. "What is it O'Malley?"

It became clear to him then that George must have been really desperate for someone to talk to because he half walked away before thinking better of it and throwing himself back down in the chair. "You seriously won't say anything?"

Alex gave him a look that wondered why George thought he was going to tell. It wasn't like he reported back all the shit he picked up in the hallway during the day to any of them. Plus he doubted whatever George had to say was going to turn out to be some life-altering secret. The other man exaggerated more than was necessary a lot of times. "No, I'm not going to say anything."

George took a deep breath, then spoke quickly as he exhaled. "Callie's pregnant."

Alex stared for a moment, thinking George was going somewhere more with the statement but he just let it lay there. There wasn't really much that Alex could say to that. He wasn't sure how George even felt about the resident. Last he heard George had sent her packing and was now trying to get her back. And Torres was sleeping with Sloan, which, from the look on the man's face, he didn't know. All in all Alex didn't really get why George found it necessary to share this with him.

Luckily, George picked the conversation back up. "I mean she's pretty sure she is. And it's got to be mine, right? You don't think she's been with anyone else since...?"

That was really the worst question George could have asked. And Alex would really have liked to see what George would do if he told him that he was very, very wrong about that. He had no obligations to keep Torres' dirty little secret. But he almost felt bad for George, who at the moment looked part shocked, part confused, kind of scared and maybe even a little happy. "Dude, she's got it bad for you. I'm pretty sure you've been the only one in her pants recently." It wasn't like he couldn't say he just didn't know. No one could prove otherwise. Sloan was probably only a one-nighter; he didn't seem the type for relationships anyway.

George nodded, like it was confirmation he had been after to begin with. Then he moved to stand and Alex let him go without a word. Sometimes not knowing was better than the truth.


End file.
